The Thing About Breakups I

‘I once had a relationship I was very confident of. I could see our future together as a married couple. When I hear some of my girlfriends breaking up with their boyfriends, I feel terrible and compelled to judge them in my inner heart. I see them as girls who can’t fight for what they want. I see my relationship with my guy as the most true, sincere and full of love. We waxed stronger every year. We were almost six years until the relationship hit the rocks. It was tough. More tough than writing a final year exam. The breakup came with so much anxiety and hopelessness. I thought I was going psycho. Walking away was one of the most uncompromising determination I’ve ever made in my entire life. Moving on was like I was uncertain about my own existence without a particular person and about my own life too. I blamed virtually everyone – my parents, my friends, my boyfriend, my nosy neighbours – in fact everyone that knew about us. I didn’t blame myself because I felt I never wronged him in anyway. I never cheated. I was loyal to a fault. It was hard to say that we were over. But in actual sense, things weren’t working out and didn’t seem to want to work out. I wallowed in so much self denial, disbelief, regret, fear, sadness, anxiety and even a suicidal attempt. I remained confused for a long time and very lonely’….. Debbie, 22 years, Lagos

Dealing with a breakup can be as bad as Debbie’s experience. It’s very normal to feel down after a relationship ends. It’s more difficult if you’ve been in a long term relationship and those plans get shattered. 

For every heartbreak, the truth is you will cry, feel restless and lack motivation or energy to do anything. I want you to know whatever you feel is temporary. It might take a long time to move on but one day you will and one day you’ll look back and thank your stars that you’re not where you used to be. 

Many have the misconception that if they end the relationship first it would be easier to deal with and that they will feel less stressed about it, but that is so untrue. You’d still feel upset and miss your partner. 

You also need to know that you don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy. It’s often better to be alone than to be in a messy relationship. 

Try not to feel embarrassed or worry about how the situation look like to those who have idolized you as couple goals. Truth is, shit happens. If you’re scared of what people will say to you, just remember that toxic relationships suffocates the heart till you become breathless. 

Also, remember that every break up has a positive side. I have learnt self-discovery and self realization from my previous relationship. You will develop coping skills which is vital, you become more independent and have more time to spend with friends and do things that you enjoy say dancing, painting, singing, writing, modelling, etc. 

Thanks for reading through. I’ve got your back anytime. You can reach me via my socials anytime and I’ll be glad to help you cope with your breakup. 

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The Thing About Breakup II will be published soonest. Anticipate. 

With love, 

Toke